- 3 min read

Compatibility & Relational Wounding

In our fast-paced digital era, dating apps and algorithms have become the modern Cupid, promising to match us with our soulmates based on compatibility scores and shared interests. While these tools can facilitate connections, it’s essential to approach them consciously, seeking partners not just for immediate attraction but also for shared values, emotional intelligence, and a willingness to commit to the ups and downs of life together.

In the realm of romantic relationships, the concept of compatibility has long been a topic of intrigue and discussion. Often, we are drawn to others because they feel familiar to us, resonating with the attachment styles we learned in early childhood. It’s not so much that opposites attract, but rather those who represent our strongest attachment bonds. Becoming aware of this pattern can help you to address any underlying challenges or traumas you may have coming into a relationship. If you’re already partnered, understanding attachment styles can lay the groundwork for emotionally focused couples therapy.

All wounds, especially those rooted in childhood, happen in relationships. Therefore, it is only fitting that healing also happens within the context of relationships. Both partners must be willing to open up and be vulnerable while maintaining individuality, and supporting the other person’s growth. Sounds impossible? You’re not alone. Many people grow up without solid healthy relationship structures being modeled to them. Working with a couples therapist can provide an unbiased and safe space for you and your partner to course-correct and embrace the opportunity for growth and long-term happiness.

Three of the most common wounds that show up in adult relationships are:

Abandonment Issues:

Adults who experienced emotional or physical abandonment as children might struggle with fears of rejection, leading to clinginess or avoidance in relationships.

Low Self-Esteem/Jealousy/Insecurity:

These often go hand-in-hand and are centered around a core feeling of inadequacy. Children criticized or belittled in their formative years might battle self-worth issues, impacting their ability to trust and feel secure in adult relationships.

Trust Issues:

Betrayal or broken promises during childhood can result in deep-seated trust issues, making it challenging to fully trust a partner in adult relationships. Trust goes beyond sharing and believing the truth. Trust is woven into how we interact with our partners.

Long-term compatibility goes beyond attraction. Relationships take deep emotional work to thrive. Rebuilding the way you communicate with your partner and fostering an environment of emotional acceptance and safety is a worthwhile process to not only a healthy partnership, but also to achieving the best version of yourself.