One of the biggest concerns that I hear from couples that I am counseling is that their relationship has become stagnant, or they feel like they are just living with a roommate.
After this happens, I ask questions to determine where in the relationship the stagnation started.
I try to determine whether or not there was an event that prompted such a change. A lot of the time the couple is unable to discern a moment or event, but after digging a bit more it is apparent that the couple does not communicate.
We as a society are becoming so addicted to electronic devices that it is causing us to lose out on the world around us.
The two most compatible people in the world could be sitting right next to one another and not even realize it because they are too busy checking their Instagram accounts.
Or in the case of the couples I see, they have already found the one they love, but they are subconsciously choosing to look at their phones rather than delve deeper into the relationship.
Why does this happen? It is not like one day we wake up and think “ Oh, I am going to stare at my I phone rather than making an effort to talk with my husband.”
It is something that sneaks up on us without us realizing it. We enjoy the feeling of other people looking at our lives and liking what they see.
We have become addicted to the positive feedback and entertainment that we can get.
But also we can have conflict and confrontation with people without the repercussions that would normally happen in real life.
“So what's the problem? Why does it matter if I only communicate with my friends through Facebook or Instagram? They know I care because I like the pictures they put up.
It is a dual relationship. I like their photo they like mine and then we stay friends.” A lot of people have this mindset, but what if you have a problem in your real day to day life, away from the electronics. Who can you turn to when the harshness of this world comes out and you need someone to be there with you through it - Standing besides you rather than texting you?
In your marriage, when you know there is a problem but you cannot figure it out yourself, how do you break the void that has been created by the lack of communication?
How do you approach the subject of the fact that you do not know who your spouse is anymore? Here is the answer in one simple word TALK! Put down your cell phone, turn off the tv, and speak your mind. Engage with one another.
After you talk, go do something together. Go out on dates again, put your phone on silent, leave it in another room, and just focus on one another.
This will solve more of the stagnation than you could ever realize, and bring you closer to your spouse.
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Sam Nabil is the founder of Naya Clinics and is a Boston therapist and a Boston Marriage Counselor.
Sam offers therapy in Boston and Boston Marriage Counseling for adults suffering from relationship challenges, life transitions and anxiety.
Sam Nabil was featured in many prestigious publications. Check out his interview with Aljazeera English, The Washington post, The Boston Globe, Fatherly magazine, Women's health magazine, Cornell university , Yahoo News, USA Today, Marriage.com
About Naya Clinics
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