The dreaded 'D' word. Divorce. It is extremely unlikely that couples who marry expect their marriage to end in divorce while they are exchanging vows. Unless cultural pressures are guiding you into it, I would seriously examine your ethics if you have the intent to end a marriage as quickly as it begins.
That is not to shame anyone who has entered a marriage on a whim but rather to acknowledge the undesirable hardships that follow divorce. Divorce can be hard for 3 reasons that I will elaborate on here.
1) Divorce is hard because you are grieving the loss of the relationship.
You invested yourself in that relationship. Now, you have to find a new normal. Finding a new normal can be difficult because it takes more time—time full of a mixed bag of emotions. Your routines, habits, and thoughts must change. You cannot rely on that person in ways you had in the past. The entire dynamic of your life becomes new. As you navigate this, it is important to have guidance and support.
2) Divorce is hard because you are grieving the time you spent in a relationship in which you may not have been fulfilled.
How many years? One too many? Relationships take time to build, and all we have is time until our inevitable death. How much time would we rather have spent investing in ourselves or focused on something more important or productive during the relationship? Maybe the relationship was a mistake from your perspective. On the flip side, maybe the relationship gave you some pretty amazing children or other benefits like financial support while you finished school. In any case, grief and gratitude are what remain, and it is important to process both of those.
3) Divorce is hard because you are grieving the future you envisioned for the relationship.
As I stated before, most people do not plan on getting divorced. There was a vision and a hope for the future of the relationship–all the things you were going to achieve together, the legacy you would leave, the life you would create for yourselves and your children and their children. This all looks different now, and you must grieve it.
Though I have clarified 3 variations, divorce is difficult because of one thing. That is grief. Grief is a painful and time-consuming experience. The more emotional investment we put into something, the more difficult it is to grieve. Grief happens sometimes without us even knowing it. Sometimes emotions are subtle and become hard to identify. Over time, those emotions have a tendency to grow until they become unavoidable, or worse, unmanageable. It is imperative and crucial to our psyches to process this grief, lest we fall subject to the same patterns. A licensed professional can help guide and support you along this passing grief.
To book our counseling and coaching services visit: Nayaclinics.com/book-online
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Sam Nabil is the founder of Naya Clinics and is a Cincinnati therapist and a Cincinnati Marriage Counselor.
Sam offers therapy in Cincinnati and Cincinnati Marriage Counseling for adults suffering from relationship challenges, life transitions and anxiety.
Sam was featured in many prestigious publications. Check out his interview with Aljazeera English And Cornell university , Yahoo News, USA Today, Marriage.com,
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